Aphorisms and More!

I.

Children and smartphones
— may seem like a mistake- not for the optometry industry

II.

‘What’s your biggest fear for the future?’
— more television like Black Mirror

III.

Inclusion
— something I’ve never been asked my opinion on

IV.

Race
— winners and losers are implicit

V.

Technology is like alcohol
— possessing no intrinsic malice, it merely exposes those of who partake

VI.

K-pop
— Can I have my pastiche capitalist-flavoured please?

VII.

‘I like being ugly, that way if they love me I know that they love me for real’
— you’re obviously not rich then

VIII.

What angers me?
— constantly being reminded of the importance of mental health

IX.

How to most easily liken oneself to a parking space:
‘Relationship status: taken’

X.

‘We choose to pursue a non-aggressive form of pacifism’

XI.

Britain is so cold that
— think can’t properly to write I

XII.

Social Media
— insurance against existential thoughts

XIII.

Not interfering with a talented person’s vision
— the acme of teamwork

XIV.

“Church attendances are down”
— if it’s any consolation, I don’t think Jesus went to one

XV.

‘fake news’
— or, as it used to be called, ‘news’

XVI.

‘Artificial intelligence’
— not exactly a new phenomenon

XVII.

‘There aren’t enough homes for millennials’
— you’re welcome, signed, medical science

XVIII.

Video games
— emotional investment in the digital ether

XIX.

Instagram
— the surest metric there is

XX.

The meme
— how to over-glorify a joke, 101

XXI.

Everyone possesses intellect,
— most apply it to triviality

XXII.

Bilingualism
— a.k.a. English and what else?

XXIII.

Hypernormalisation
— reality is the opium of the masses

XXIV.

Pop culture
— don’t stop till you get enough!

XXV.

‘I received a first for both of my assignments’
— if you’re so intelligent, what are you doing here?

XXVI.

‘There’s no such thing as free will’
— I’d care if it made any difference

XVII.

A man sat across from me and started intently looking intently at his phone. Little did he know, he was the one being watched
— but by whom?

XVIII.

Atheism
— I’d rather you kept it to yourself

XXIX.

Cynicism
— it’s a lifestyle choice

XXX.

Milk and Honey
— not suitable for vegans!

XXXI

‘Having many clocks is a sign of a well-ordered household’
— I imagine this only applies of they’re at the correct time

XXXII.

‘Modern Love’
— what’s the difference?

XXXIII.

‘The novel is dead’
— not exactly a twist

XXXIV.

‘Man’s primitive state’
— you mean the dial-up modem?

XXXV.

‘What is the defining characteristic of intelligence?’
— ‘idk’

XXXVI.

‘I’m an academic so I have to be strange!’
— I think it’s called selection bias

XXXVII.

Education
— ranking system masquerading as thought

XXXIX.

The uneducated
— also quite thoughtless

XL.

The thoughtful
—nothing comes to mind